6 Habits of annoying cyclists

We've all ridden with them at some point. Six habits to avoid if you want to be a popular member of your cycling group.

| May 29, 2017 | TRAINING

Athletes compete at the ITU Grand Final in Cancun, Mexico in 2016.

Athletes compete at the ITU Grand Final in Cancun, Mexico in 2016.

Photo >Kevin Mackinnon

So we have all been there before. Riding along, minding our own business when this person enters our two-wheeled world.

The Halfa. Yep you have to love this guy. It’s not enough just to sit on the front of the bunch, riding evenly with the person opposite. They have to pull the old half-wheel trick. Sitting themselves a half wheel ahead of their number in the bunch. And why do you half wheel anyone? It’s just a real dick move on a bike. The longer it goes on, too, the more it just grinds the person who is the receiver of the half-wheeler. (As an aside to this, the half wheel is only acceptable when your mate is grovelling and you want to toy with them.)

Stink bomb. Don’t two-time your partner and your bike clothing. Rules to live by: Once you wear your kit, put the stinking pile of Lycra in a washing machine. No one wants to sit on a wheel in the wafting foulness of a twice- (or thrice-, if you are full feral) worn bike kit.

Stats man. He’s the dude who has every conceivable measuring and metric device located on his wrist, chest, cranks and handlebars. And he loves to tell you all about it. Because, of course, you wanted to know the current gradient of the climb you were on combined with "Stats Man’s" current wattage and how his hear rate was coping. And, as this guy is filling your head with this imperial nonsense, you’re riding along thinking of ways to install an ejector seat on your bike.

Vapour guy. With the increase of online clothing sales and the number of discount warehouses for cycling, it’s not hard to find new gear. But Vapour Guy wears his knicks until all that’s holding them together is a thin, wispy set of what scientists can’t really discern the actually molecular structure of. Technically, they are bike shorts, officially they are actually clothing, but the true reality of these shorts is when Lycra loses all hope of hanging in there, it’s time to retire them. This isn’t a plumbers convention.

Wibble wobble. Nothing like riding in a bunch and watching the wheel in front of you slicing back and fourth. It’s only a matter time before this wheel ends up slicing across your front wheel, sending you airborne and into the path of what’s oncoming. Especially if you are on your road bike and "wibble wobble" decides to ride his tri bike in a bunch and get fully aero. Nothing sends heart rates soaring quicker than that!

Late comer. There’s a five minute rule when you meet for a ride. "Late comer" thinks that the world revolves around him or her and, when the five minute rule is broken, sees fit to send a barrage of abusive texts or calls to those who waited five and then went.